onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
