Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
