I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
