Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
