remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
