jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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