I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
