Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
