when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
