I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
