I'm sorry my penis didn't work
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
