just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
