He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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