The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
