I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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