Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
