So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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