too bad you live with your parents still
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
