Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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