I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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