Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
