My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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