why do cheetos always look like penises
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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