wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
