Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
