i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
