Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize