The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
