Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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