Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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