Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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