I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
