You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
