fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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