Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
