just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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