i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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