someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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