did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
