I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
