He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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