Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
