brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
