I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
