wat bout pragnant strippers??
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
