he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
