I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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