I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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