Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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