I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
