Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
