How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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