I faked an abortion last night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
