I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
