HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
