allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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