Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
