He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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