if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
