period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
