I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
