uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
