I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
