i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
