I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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