She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Randomize
