Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
