My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
