DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
