It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
