You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
