Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
